Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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