Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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