She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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