im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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