Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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