i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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