the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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