I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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