i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Randomize