"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize