so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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