never play flip cup with pint glasses
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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