I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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