He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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