I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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