If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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