You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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