a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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