Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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