I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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