just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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