Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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