OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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