i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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