Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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