So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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