one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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