I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You are a genius and a whore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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