I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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