Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize