she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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