girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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