ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize