I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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