It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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