She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize