jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize