he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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