Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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