would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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