Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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