i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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