There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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