when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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