How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize