Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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