His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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