remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize