i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
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and i looked up. we had an audience...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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