My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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